Blog draft mar 25 26

Empathy

Not long ago, perhaps 2 or 3 years, I told my older brother I am gay. He sucked in air, shocked at the news. He had no idea this was a factor in my life. Later that same year, I visited him in New York and he said something that surprised me. He said he thought my being gay may be the reason my life has been so successful helping people. That had been my career, working with nonprofits serving other people. I worked with volunteers of all sizes, ages, and experiences. All were working to help other people to build successful, sustainable lives.

I thought about his idea. I had not thought my being gay had any impact on my career. Perhaps he was right. Maybe my personal struggles with knowing who I was as a total person helped me recognize other people’s struggles. Struggles of any kind, not sexual identity. The more I thought about it, the more I came to believe my brother’s point was spot on.

Feeling alone in the world is part of becoming aware of being gay. Who to turn to for advice, sharing fears, and simply support for my brokenness. Then as I grew into adulthood and dealt with the gay identity, I experienced a host of feelings, fears and abandonment. Those experiences troubled me for years. I did not want to be gay. I did not choose this. I wanted a normal life with marriage, kids, house and grandchildren. I committed to that path for 26 years. Then divorce and recalculation.

It took seven years, but I found a partner I loved and built another life for 23 years. My career thrived throughout both of these families. I never stopped being the same person. I cared about others a whole lot. I built organizations to help them. I did that for about 60 years. Still do in retirement.

Feeling what others feel is what empathy is all about. It is a critical component of knowing and understanding another person. That helps me serve the other person. It just does.

My brother gets that. I hadn’t. Surprise. And grateful for it. Not the sex thing. The empathy.

March 25, 2026

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