View From Here

I am trying to get back to blogging. Most likely a few times per week rather than daily. But the ache of meaning pulls me back to writing. It is something I must do. Don’t know why, just do. A few years back a few of us decided to create a community newspaper. We published weekly for 8 years. One of the features of the paper was a periodic – quarterly? – listing of the community’s main issues of interest. Of course, they came and went over time, but surprisingly the list was quite stable. It started out with 10 issues, and 8 years later it grew to 22 issues. An example - One issue centered on a little used railroad line. It was regional but Canadian National figured it needed this line to link its east-west freight corridor to a north-south corridor reaching New Orleans. They threatened to buy the rail line. By this time, regional transportation experts were considering an outer ring suburban rail link, sort of a circular design that would intersect with all of the other commuter r...

Look down at the ground, the pavement. Do you see a pebble, or grit of sand? Do you see the small bits that rough the surfaces we walk on? Do you ‘feel’ the grit, the grab of the feet on the ground, or the grasp of hands on a rough surface? Do you see and feel the grit? I once slowly observed a dog dealing with its mundane world. Its paws walking the sidewalk, lawn, mud, dirt, sand and packed earth. The surfaces it feels and ‘reads’ to move about. The dog feels the surfaces and instinctively knows how to deal with it. Do we? as humans, do we intuit or sense the tiny cues that guide our actions? Being an Illinois resident for over 60 years, soft soils, loamy even, are the more common encounter. Out west the sand and small stones – or grit – is more common. This granularity of life goes unobserved most of the time, but crucial just the same. Like most things we learn to live with, we take it in stride and survive the trek of experience. Yet, it is this experience that engages the...

Skimming through the internet I caught an article on the world ice skating championships. I had not thought about ice skating for a long time. Suddenly I was reminded of one of my favorite TV pastimes. Ice skating – figure skating on the national and international stages – presents beauty, music, incredible physical feats and coordination. Whether singles or pairs, competitive ice skating is a beautiful sight. Ice skating is paired with music that creates an artistic base for interpreting the skating moves. Whether rhythmic or symphonic elegy, the music and skating flow together. They make sense. Showmanship becomes a reality. A pleasure. A reminder of something positive, not negative. The reminder of positive is stark against the backdrop of day to day living when ordinary news is so awful and negative. What is important is often clouded by other happenings. A meal well planned and implemented is a feast of mind, taste and physical satisfaction. Anticipating flavors from the...

Blog topics for me have been few and far between other than the personal. I gave those a break so readers would not be continuously subjected to my focus on family health matters. But those matters have been illuminating. One lesson learned is very personal: health matters tend to draw full attention from other topics. National political developments don’t seem as important now. The price for a gallon of gas may be interesting for a moment, but that’s it. The mind jumps to other things. Neat and tidy home conditions slip to a weak rank. A few dishes laying about in the sink don’t seem to matter so much now. Or a carpet in need of vacuuming or a tabletop worthy of dusting. No, the patient’s appetite, mobility and mood shifts are in full focus. I am slowly forming a new normal. Not fully shaped yet, but it will become so. I suspect that shape will be short lived as other changes pulse forward to change the new routines. I am new to this while others are more experienced. Those of y...

Hospice will allow Rocky to come home today or Tuesday. That's the good news. The bad news is Rocky has two forms of cancer controlling his short future. Multiple myeloma is a blood cancer that is the main culprit, but lymphoma makes the myeloma aggressive. So aggressive chemotherapy is not possible. Doctors have told us Rocky has 5 months or less of life expectancy.  Everyone tells us that hospice is a good thing that should be engaged sooner, not later. Quality of life is more important than length. Hospice makes that happen. We shall see. Meanwhile, our journey is not over. We have you all to thank for that. Your support and caring have meant so very much to us. Blessings to you all. March 13, 2023

There are studies being done that project when our social order will become ungovernable. The estimate is by the year 2040. I hope the projection is wrong, but then I don’t have to personally worry about it. I will be long gone by that time. There are times when I am glad, I will not live to see some dreaded happening. That seems so defeatist. It is, of course, but it is also a sign that patience is wearing thin. My patience. Aging is one of those natural things that allows a person to understand what’s happening around him or her, because life experience teaches us what to look for, comparisons with previous experiences, and so forth, thus giving us a relative ability to ‘see’ what lies ahead. That is not always a pleasant contemplation. It is that time when worrying about life for our grandchildren pop to mind. What we do today, or don’t do more likely, will have a long-term effect. Will it affect my life? Or someone else’s? As we become aware of these questions, we also become...

Rocky was taken to the ER at Delnor Hospital Tuesday noon. Blood chemistry very unstable. Tests and more tests will be run along with looking for possible internal blood leaks. If not found, another cause will be searched for. So, he remains in hospital for a few days until stable and can be returned to the nursing home. Going home seems farther away than ever! March 9, 2023  

The days follow one another. The routine becomes monotonous. It becomes as one. Indistinguishable from other days. Messages are received and processed as though they are the same. The sameness of a routine gone mad. Once we lived each day as unique. Because each day was unique. We saw the differences one from another. We recognized the significant from the insignificant. Some messages were news; some not. And so, we rose with the sun, went to bed with darkness, ate three meals on a wobbly schedule, but three just the same. Rent was due and paid. Same with phone and internet bills. The desiderata of life happened without notice. What changed our outlook? I suppose it could have been anything of significance, like war, or pandemic, or serious illness, or loss of job. But in our case, it was a health scare. First the ER, then hospital, now nursing home for temporary care. Almost came home, but a last-minute problem arose to bar that progress. Yes, more tests. Yes to yet another do...

Rocky is not coming home today. Instead, a blood issue arose that needs more testing and diagnosis. That will take at least a week to determine so, Rocky remains in the nursing home for at least another week. He is not pleased about this development. Frustrated, yes, but he remains safely where he belongs until this is understood. Meanwhile we continue one day at a time to the nursing home routine. March 3, 2023