Death and Dying

Many years ago, the letters from my parents began to turn dark. Dad complained that mom was quite negative and seemed moody. Her own words were moody and dark, but the theme became clear one day when she listed her friends and neighbors who had recently died. 

My folks chose to live in a retirement community with a 55-age restriction. Most of their neighbors were much older than that, including them at ages 75 and 78. It dawned on me that this is a consequence of living in an age restricted community. An aged society ages more visibly with the resulting death experience being frequent. This thought didn’t occur to my parents when they moved into the community. Natural it remains, however.

So, I mentioned to dad that mom probably was experiencing elder depression. He scheduled an appointment with her general physician and appropriate meds were prescribed. Years later my mother described this doctor’s visit as one in which dad and the doctor thought she was crazy! Hardly, just experiencing normal loss but on a more frequent basis.

At any rate, she survived this phase and went on to live to 104. Dad died at 88 instead of his family’s norm of 95 due to falls and other health issues. Still, 88 is a good ripe age to reach. He was well adjusted to expecting death so didn’t exhibit any fears or dread over it. Mom, on the other hand, was a bit more sensitive to it.

My own experience is much like my dad’s. At 82 the writing is on the wall and I have health issues much different from my parents. I suspect my end date will be earlier than theirs, yet medical advances may prolong my journey longer than I expect. Whatever the end date, I fully expect it and am ready for it. That may sound simpler than it is, but none the same, it is what it is. 

The larger matter is the loss of others around me. All my aunts and uncles are gone now, some cousins, of course my grandparents, and even my parents. My husband of 23 years died 2 years ago. I have a sister in nursing home and failing.  My ex-wife is failing with cancer. Several friends and colleagues departed as well. My generation and influencers are declining. It is normal. Not pleasant, but normal.

For me this has resulted in much contemplation. What did their lives account for? What of my own? Have we fulfilled our promise to make a difference when given the opportunity? As I observe the current state of affairs, I think not! On the other hand, I know my friends and I worked long and hard at doing good in the world. Our careers were strong images of that promise. We didn’t achieve the golden goal, but we worked toward it nonetheless. 

So, what do we – and I – do with the time we have left? What purpose can we serve? Are there any reasonable achievements remaining to grasp? The grasping part is likely nil, but the working toward common good remains always. Besides, we have much practice in doing this, decades of it. So we shall.

I suppose I will just have to live with that! Pun intended.

October 1, 2025



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