Matters 2

Freedom of Self. Who am I, who are my core family members and a whole lot more is involved here. Growing up, we get clues on who we are. It is not automatic that we know. It builds and evolves day by day. We know first who responds quickly to our cries and wails. Our needs are met by this person who normally turns out to be mom. Alternatives appear soon thereafter – dad, aunts and grandmothers. A sitter or day nurse perhaps, but mom is the primary person for caring. We learn we are somehow important to them so we must be important to our self; only we can’t really think that because we don’t have words or comprehension to know any of this. It’s just a beginning we have here. In these early days of life.

Over many days, weeks, months and years, we come to know our self. We come to know the self as distinct from others, but we still don’t know the language that helps our thinking of this, knowing this. That comes of course with a lot of experience. Later we even know what is more important to the self than other things.

Family relations help with all of this, especially siblings. Competition comes from this as well. Some family members get more attention than others or are heard more readily and responded to. We capture subtle cues on values, behavior and a lot more. From these experiences we also learn how we are different to those outside our household. And then school. So many experiences from which to assemble a sense of self. And we do, again and again until we have a firm sense of who we are. This is identity.

One of those experiences is sexuality. We feel something but don’t know what it is, don’t even have the language to think about it or know it. It evolves slowly and then we get cues from the people and family surrounding us. In my case I grew up to be gay. Somehow, I knew not to talk about this with anyone. It was some sort of taboo, but without any discussion. Airy, subtle clues that walled me off from the rest of humanity. Later, much later, sexual self-knowledge came to be understood. That was a shaky understanding that took years to smooth out to an acceptable integration with the rest of my self.

There are other key elements defining who I am – music, history, art, nature, travel – to name a few, but slowly we sort out what matters most to the self. The definition of who I am arrives slowly and continues to change throughout my lifetime. I know I will die knowing myself at least a little differently than what I know this very moment. Whatever it takes to build that identity, I have the freedom and necessity to do so on my own. I find the resources to be me as separate from other people. It is my identity, not yours. So much is the same but different.

My government, my society, my family, my friends must allow me to manage this function on my own. Integrating myself with the rest of existence is a job only I can do. The rest of the world must allow this to happen. It is one of the fundamentals of life. Even with a social order defined as state ruled, individuals will do this work within. It is healthier and more fulfilling if done in a social order of freedom.

This is the first thing that matters most. Self and identity thereof. My identity.

September 5, 2025


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Intimacy

As we mature, we become deeply involved in relationships. Some of this is basic family relations – siblings, parental – and the like. Next is friends who enter our homes and we theirs. Neighbors, classmates, mutual hobbyists and so forth. Then we develop friendships that go much deeper. We comfort one another when we are hurting physically or emotionally. We discuss the matters of life and learn much more about ourselves and each other. We can even anticipate how others will react to various situations and stimuli. Good friendships do not spread to everyone we know. No, good friendships are special, close and deeply personal. We focus attention and brainpower on these few friends. Some special relationships focus on specific topics of interest and importance. Yes, we have specialized friendships. Most common. But one day, we get to know one person very well. An emotional connection forms with deep roots. A need to know the person more fully expands in personal ways. We sense this b...
Read more

Bits & Pieces

Pie: Apple pie more specifically. With Thanksgiving just passed, many of us enjoyed a good apple pie. Sure, there was pumpkin to accompany the turkey, but in our family multiple pies are offered in the holidays. Apple is surely one. Pecan, pumpkin and others, too. But I almost always choose apple. When I was in college, I was asked what kind of pie did I eat most often. In front of my mom, I answered apple, because I was always looking for a pie as good as mom’s own. Of course my mother was pleased, but it was a true statement just the same. When I was married, Ann’s pie was darned good. Her mother’s recipe. But we fiddled with the recipe until it took on its own generational name, and boy, was it good! Today I still order apple pie for dessert because I am always looking for a great pie to challenge our family recipes. I rarely do find such a prize. Do others do the same? Do you search for a great pie of choice, continually? If you do, what’s your story? Why do you do this? ...
Read more

Remembering Tom Sherlock

Tom Sherlock died on Wednesday, April 3rd. He was 65 years old and did not survive a heart surgery. That was his unexpected end and sad enough. But there is more to his story. Tom joined Dan Schuyler and George Safford to create what became the Village Chronicles, a weekly newspaper serving Warrenville, Illinois. That paper expanded to serve Winfield and then West Chicago. The paper published for eight years and built a good reputation for itself. Tom served the paper in several ways. He was our information technology guru, provided hardware and software to support the paper's operations. He was our sole bookkeeper, accountant and financial manager. He designed our distribution process and provided office space for meetings and layout and typesetting. His efforts supported the work of 32 volunteers who wrote and reported on the communities we served.  The newspaper broke even financially most of the time, but it was a struggle. Tom managed to find money to keep the newspaper afloat...
Read more