Letting It Go

A memory kindles. A moment of action uncharacteristic of my norm. Not kind. Not empathetic. An action of spite and emotion. Not my finest hour. Later, many years later, and in moments uncontrolled, a memory of my transgression of character pops up. I can’t ignore it. I can only remember my acting like a jerk. And hating that I did so. I shrug it off for now, shudder a bit, regret the action and its memory. And then I move on with what I was doing.

I am uncomfortable with these pop-up memories. They tell me how flawed I am. How stinky I can be. Don’t want to be this way but have been so in the past. Surely, I am capable of a repeat. I don’t like this about myself. I don’t like knowing this about myself.

Am I alone in this bit of life drama? Is this common with others? I don’t know the answers to these questions. I do know that I would likely be better off letting go of the memories and resolve to be better from here on out.

Letting it go. Why is that so difficult? And yet, not letting it go means I have ownership of the memory that reminds me I am not perfect. Not a bad thing, really. It keeps me honest and hopefully striving to be better in the future.

Still, letting go is a good to do in several areas of life. Forgetting past sins is only one such area. Living through a rough patch caused by others is another area. Do we ever forgive the other in this scenario? Or do we persist in keeping the memory alive?

Forgiving others for what they did, their sins against me, us. That takes a big mind and heart to forgive. It is a needed thing, however. Forgive and forget. Do not let those moments rob you of generosity of spirit, of forgiveness.

If that is a good, then forgiving the self must also be a good. Not sure this is true. Sounds like a bit of wisdom, but maybe not?

I’ll think on this some more. Forgiving the self is a concept of possibility. But is it also being easy on one’s own foibles and flaws? Shouldn’t we work on the flaws by remembering they are part of what we have done?

August 5, 2024

 

 

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