Staying In Touch

My parents lived all over the United States. Mom was born in a small farming town in Minnesota. Dad started life in Chicago. They married in Minnesota, lived in Chicago and then moved to southern California, Altadena, a suburb of Pasadena. My brother Sherm was born in Chicago before the folks moved to California. My sister Carol and I were born in California.

Dad was an engineer working in the defense industry. He worked for the Navy as a civil service employee. First in Pasadena, then Inyokern on the Mojave Desert. We lived there 3 years. After returning to Altadena for a few years, we built a house in Glendora. Living there only 6 months, my dad took a job with General Electric in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. From there we moved to Syracuse, New York. Each of us kids moved to our own region upon adulthood; Carol to southern California, Sherm to Syracuse and Rochester, New York, and me to Chicago metro.

While growing up, I witnessed my parents keeping up their friendships with countless people met and worked with through the years. Our Christmas card list was well over 200 families. Later in life as they traveled, they would visit many of these families and renew face to face relationships. Ours was not the only family moving around the country in those days, many families did the same. I marveled at my mother keeping in touch with all these friends and acquaintances.

In my own life’s journey, I moved less often, but inhabited many neighborhoods and towns in Illinois. While there, I made friends and maintained many relationships for a long time. Certainly not all, and rarely on the Christmas card list. Our culture was different. More detached and less etiquette driven. That was too bad, too, because old relationships tended to drift apart, never to rekindle.

To this day, I rarely have contact with old college friends. No high school relations have been kept, but then I went to two high schools 300 miles apart. College years created distance from high school buddies and that remained the pattern.

Today my relationships continue on relations built among work colleagues and some neighbors. The latter have dwindled down, however, and few remain. The colleague list, however, is strong and continues, mainly because working relationships have lasted well into related volunteer work.

I often remember the long-held friendships of my parents through generations of change. They kept that pattern alive for most of their lives. It fascinated me because I spent so much time and effort building an adult life in a culture increasingly on the change. It simply did not take the time to stay in touch.

I wonder now if that hasn’t been a big mistake. I also wonder if I am alone in this practice or is this reflective of society in general. Keeping in touch seems like a good idea. Our changed lives parallel our friends’ changes. Life is change. It is a constant and not unique. Knowing this through our friendships is a bedrock teacher of and for change. It should be embraced and managed. Keeping in touch is a simple way of gaining perspective on all change. And that helps keep us grounded at the same time.

I wonder how in-touch we all are and if it matters as much as I think it does. I’m, thinking social order and community are better being in touch. Maybe not?

March 18, 2024

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