Building Blocks

The last 10 months have been difficult. Amazing, too. So much to process. Illness. Threat of death. Then the final diagnosis, treatment, hospice and death. Of one’s spouse. The caring phase was long and complex. It was a downward spiral. When death finally delivered peace to the patient, it also provided peace for the family. Me, the spouse, had experienced much. The much was to carry on for quite some time.

The dimension of this phase is labeled grieving. It is that, but it takes on so many shapes and meanings. Three months after death, grief continues on, and I suspect will last the rest of my life. Others agree with this. That prognosis seems overly broad, but it contains many lessons that still need to be learned. Other phases of life do not teach these lessons. They are necessary and of value. To wish them away would cheat us of special moments to treasure going forward.

One of those lessons is actually seeing what moments in the past actually were critical building blocks for the life that followed. So much is prologue; we easily forget to live life as it happens. Much prologue causes us to think of future. Yet future and past well up to lessen the now of our lives. Easily done. But at what price?

One lesson I have learned well: things are of less importance than experience and being. Just being. Just thinking, hearing, listening, relating and much more. Things are responsibilities. Obligations come with things. The obligations rob us of time and resources that could be used in other ways more meaningful.

Another lesson: relating to others is not a transaction but a series of commitments to know and value another person. It is long-term. It may be lifelong. As time withers away, those relationships become more important and of lasting value.

Moments lived and experienced is another lesson. Travel provides rich experiences that unfold many times after the trip is done. Memory flashes bring back those moments over and over again. Why this is so only underscores the value of the moments lived back then. They instruct us on existence, on wonder, on relationships, on interconnectedness of all life forms on the planet.

Lessons learned need not be arduous or unpleasant. In the main, they are positive. The weight of their being in our lives far exceeds their cost. Savor these memories and know they can be recalled whenever they are needed.

Live fully and remember. These are the building blocks of today and tomorrow. Enjoy!

October 23, 2023

 

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