Rethinking Self

We have been streaming TV programming for several months now after cutting the cable cord. During the COVID pandemic and now after, we have screened hundreds of movies, documentaries and international entertainment, too. The latter demonstrates how far ahead foreign programmers and artists are than here in the USA. The latest happenings and social movement elements are included in scripts and their films.

Foreign producers include smoking, crime, sexual orientation and all that sort of thing, while political movements are made part of each story’s context. Same with sexual elements; they are not the theme of the story, just part of it. Here in the US, things are not like that. Gay is still something avoided.

As a gay person, I still struggle with the identity. It is still a sensitive issue to many. Yes, it is now subject to legal rights and recent legislation. Gay rights are part of modern day living. It is still new to us and takes getting used to.

Meanwhile, I think back on what it was like being gay many decades ago. Even in the early days, I wasn’t certain of my status. It took a lot of exploring and wondering before any conclusions were made. And those were quite tentative. Once the uncertainty faded, living with the sharpening reality took time to understand. Even then, becoming, being and enjoying were a succession of growing awareness.

Today I am out and proud, but this was not quickly accomplished. At 80, I am more certain and comfortable in my own skin. Rocky and I shared this between us. None of it came clearly. All of it was mud. Sharing 23 years with him, however, made the conclusion indelible. I am gay. It is OK. And now I can live the rest of my life.

At 80+? Yikes, that is a larger reality than the orientation thing, I think!

GSafford, September 7, 2023

 

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