Getting Back Into It

I have been off my blog for several months now. At first, when Rocky got sick – mid January, 2023 – it was a total of three weeks in hospital (two different stays) and then six weeks in nursing home. When he went into his second hospital stay from the nursing home, I asked the doctors to determine the cause of Rocky’s anemia and instability of his blood. They did just that after many tests. Cancer, multiple myeloma, a cancer of the bone and bone marrow. You may recall that bone marrow is the site of blood component manufacture. Poor production means anemia. Cancer means erosion of both marrow and bone tissue.

A second cancer was also diagnosed, this time lymphoma. The convergence of the two cancers meant no chemotherapy was possible. Doctors said it would be like pouring poison into the body with no good results. One cancer or the other, not both together. Thus, Rocky was placed in hospice at home.

He remained in hospice for 4 and a half months, 18 weeks. He died on July 23rd with my son, daughter and oldest granddaughter present with me. We witnessed his last breath. Sat for a few minutes to gather our own, then I call the hospice service. They came right out, made the final determination of death, called the authorities and started the wheels in motion for the mortuary. Before being moved to the mortuary, Rocky’s two sons, Joe and Michael, and his sister in law Sharon Falco, visited Rocky’s remains. Shortly thereafter Rocky was moved to the crematorium.

Having experienced the long goodbye on a daily, hourly basis fore six months, my body was numb and my mind was very distracted. I could not find the focus to write anything, let alone a daily blog. Even writing thank you notes was nearly impossible.

Now I am organizing my thoughts, my life, time and actions in a new light. Flickers of light are taken to be the thought that Rocky was coming down the hall, or an unexpected sound made me think Rocky was fiddling around in the kitchen, the computer or the bedroom. Those phantom signals are normal I’m told. Grief does this. Aloneness does this. A new order is being constructed.

So, you will be seeing me in these spaces frequently in the future. The blog will come back to life as I learn a new normal. This will require me to read more, think more, and regain a footing in the world of life and future. That has not been the routine these past many months. No, it surely has not.

Join me in toasting Rocky’s peace and freedom from ill health and cancer. Then, think of life’s possibilities, its communities and its people. These are what we should concentrate on, that and peace on earth, goodwill toward all people.

Meanwhile, know that a memorial service for Rocky will be held Saturday, September 9th at the Trinity Lutheran Church of Warrenville. It is located at 3s460 Curtis Avenue. Visitation at 10:30 am followed by services at 11:30. Lunch will be served in Fellowship Hall at 12:30 pm. Please, no flowers. Make donations as you feel necessary to the church or to your favored charity.

GSafford, August 28, 2023

 

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