To Be – What and Who?

Who tells someone what to be, or who to be? Can anyone actually tell someone that?

Funny thing is, the Republican Party is telling everyone that you cannot be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transexual, or anything else sexual. Only straight.

The party has pushed these messages for many years. They even have managed to make laws to punish people who don’t obey them. Today the GOP pushes against transexuals. Deep down, however, their messaging is about ‘normal sex.’ If it’s straight – male and females – then it is acceptable. Even the old morality of sex after marriage only, has faded away. Sex while dating is OK. Plunging necklines and short short skirts are also very much allowed. And if a girl gets pregnant under such circumstances? Well, it is her fault for asking for it. Right?

When I was very young – 6 and 7 – I knew something was not ‘normal’ about my sexual feelings. I had an interest in other boys but did not act on it. I felt certain it was wrong and would be a sin. Eventually, I wanted the American Dream of a family, kids, house, career, cars and travel followed by a well-earned retirement. I knew that dream would never be for someone not normal.

Years later, I finally admitted that I was gay but by then I was married and had two kids. I fought this ‘feeling’ for decades, but by the age of 37 I told myself it was OK, I was OK. Thirteen years later my wife and I divorced, she remarried, I lived alone for 7 years until meeting the right guy. We’ve been together for 23 years, the last 7+ years legally married. It has been a long journey for all of this, but we all came out of it OK. Not terrific, but OK. There will always be doubts about what is and is not normal, but we fought the fight until it finally made sense.

And now we are normal. I had to come to this conclusion on my own. I had to live through the trials and tribulations of it all. No one said it was OK. I had to say that. And I did.

Sexuality is internal and instinctual. It is not something anyone decides. You are gay or straight, lesbian or bi or trans because you know this is correct for you. No one told you to be one or the other. You had to do the work all on your own. The realization is personal and owned by you. No one else. Political parties are just plain wrong if they say otherwise.

It is always makes me laugh to read an article about a staunch Republican politician claim the straight message while actually having gay relationships and trysts. Interesting. Odd as well. But a strange bit of justice just the same.

I guess they just did what they wanted and didn’t let anyone tell them something else. I think they are in the wrong party.

April 3, 2023

 

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