Giving Up?

It started with eating less food. That grew to skipping meals entirely. It was so subtle it wasn’t much noticed by others. Long meals with less and less food actually going into the mouth. Spread around the plate, yes, then just staring at the uneaten food.

Then the sleeping at odd times of the day. Napping in the chair, slumping over while getting dressed and napping even then. Soon less movement became evident. We went to his doctor, and I told the story, tentatively and without any certain knowledge. The doctor looked at me. Knowingly? He offered at-home care in which medical staff visit the home and avoid the patient traveling to clinics. We accepted.

I challenged Rocky. Was he giving up? What was his intent? His answer was vague. Eventually he said he wanted to tell his story to his kids and grandkids. I agreed this was a good purpose to work on. I promised to help him with the writing, the telling of his story. I even wrote the barest outline to get him started.

No action yet made toward the project, but I had hope this might do it. Then came the late afternoon and evening. No food taken. Pills remained in containers. Just sitting on the bed, no action taken, no movement made.

Evening turned into night. I ate supper. He refused his. I urged medications on him. He refused. I left him at the dinette table. I turned to mindless television and then allowed sleep to take me away from the unfolding story.

Miraculously he appeared slowly to his chair and finally in it. He slept. At midnight he awoke and asked help to get to his walker so he could go to the bathroom. I did that. he waved me away so he could make his way on his own. He did. Slowly. Soon he was in the bedroom and bathroom on his own.

I waited for the emergency call button response. None came. I turned on the TV for noise and escape. Finally, I turned it off and let sleep again take me away. Hours later I woke to his sleeping in his chair. I do not know how he did that. No food taken. No meds taken that I know of. But there he was, sleeping.

5:35 am, 35 minutes past our waking routine, he was still asleep. He didn’t stir when I roused him. He remained in his chair, sound asleep.

What to do? Call the medics and take him to the ER? What to say? Intentional end of life behavior? Is this a reason? Is this cause for hospital admission? I sit here writing this not knowing what to do. Does this make me complicit?

Then, later, shortly after noon, he hit the emergency call button again. I found him in the bathroom unable to help himself. Once assisted, he insisted on doing everything himself. Then two more emergency calls in short succession. I let the service call the ambulance. The EMTs came and took him to the ER. I followed in the car.

Admitted Sunday evening for observation, it is now Wednesday. He remains in hospital. The tests show stabilization but no ability for selfcare. A feeding tube goes in today for better nutrition and consistent medications. Then, when possible, he will be released to a rehab facility. Maybe home thereafter? No one knows at this time.

January 18, 2023

 

 

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