Black and White

Or feminist and misogynist. The yin and yang of differences. Who feels it? Who has the ‘right’ to write about it? Whose feelings belong to whom?

I’m a male. Does that make me incapable of feeling how a woman feels in our society? I’m white. Does that mean I can’t begin to think what it is like to be a black person in our white dominated society? What about Christian versus Jew, atheist, Muslim or whatever other religious creed? How can I – or you – feel like the other that is not us?

A lot of thinking went into this post. I have thought about these things for decades. Here’s a little of how that thinking went.

I consider myself a feminist. I have a mother, grandmothers, aunts, sister, sister-in-law, wife, daughter, granddaughters, and so on. How can I love them and not fight for their rights? How can I be in their camp and yet not see or feel their pain? Do I feel their plight in every way possible? No. I am not them and so am blind to their full experience.

Meanwhile, I want them to be whole. I want them to push forward to their full potential. I want their contribution to our social order to be present, so we are as enriched by their presence as possible. We all gain from that happening. Why would anyone be opposed to that, or blind to it? The sheer intellectual joy of it is exciting.

The same with people of different color. What does it mean to be black in America today? What has it meant in the past? What about the process of living it through the decades? What has that been like?

I have a client who is building a program to address the trauma of being black. I understand that harsh term – trauma. One does not live as a person of minority status in our society and not be hurt by it. Sometimes the hurt is physical. Most of the time it is emotional. Psychological. But trauma it is and damage it leaves behind. How does a person heal and live well in spite of it? That is what the program is all about.

Perhaps my empathy is born in my being gay. I am different from the norm. I understand this fact. It is not an easy thing to get, understand and live with. But I am easily camouflaged; I can pass as straight. Not so for others of difference.

Once the empathy is present, earned even, understanding and imagining what it must be like to be different from society’s norms is easier. That is when what is right becomes clearer. From that comes broader understanding and willingness to grow as an ally.

I think it matters that we celebrate difference. I think it matters to wonder how I am different from others and whether that is a difficult thing or one of ease. Imagine if you can what it is like for those for whom it is not easy.

Now the difference is more real. Now I can understand their pain and suffering. I can’t feel it like they can, but I can begin to understand it.

Difference is OK unless it hurts. Then it is a problem we all need to work on.

December 1, 2022

  

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