A Diary of Pain

This is not a maudlin plea for sympathy. No, it is a statement of fact so others can glimpse the truth, the facts about physical pain.

Having recently fallen twice, my lower back muscles were wrenched and continue to suffer spasms. Each spasm yields pain. Deep pain. The kind that causes an involuntary yelp. The kind of pain that causes more injury, like my second fall. The first fall was caused by a calloused foot slipping on the kitchen floor while stooping down to wipe up a coffee spill. The foot kept sliding away from me, uncontrollable as it came to be. That inevitable slide toward the floor registered on my mind and a plan of escape was hatched.

Escape from what, you ask. Well, the pain and injury of a heavy fall. Broken bones – hips, ribs, elbow, arm – and stretched or sprained tendons. I didn’t want the rest of my life defined by a stupid fall in the kitchen. I well knew others who had fallen and never fully recovered from their injuries. Each maladjustment led to another health problem until the mass of issues simply could not be overcome. You know of such stories. Some of those stories were up close and personal in your own life.

In my instant case, the first fall produced a world of hurt by nightfall. Strained or sprained knee and lumbar muscles were the primary problem. Of course, babying them only produced other systemic pressures on bones and muscles which produced other sources of pain.

Having doctored a bad back for 40 years or more, I was acutely aware of what was about to happen. So, I rested, relaxed in the recliner, avoided getting into and out of bed. I kept things simple. Short steps. Few risings from seated position to standing and vice versa. I avoided walking as much as possible. I took Aleve, then Tylenol or substitute, until days later my nose bled relentlessly, and a stubbed toe bled for a very long time.

The second fall happened as I went to my car two weeks later. I used the folding shopping cart (the kind old people use to carry their groceries from the car trunk to the apartment four stories above) as a walker getting to the car. Once there, the task was to place the cart on the storage ledge in front of the car in the garage. Doing that simple task – raising the front wheels to land on the ledge’s top, then wheeling the cart into place – moved my back muscles just so. The twinge of pain was titanic. I instantly fell backward to the floor of the garage.

Once again, in the seconds that followed, I mitigated injury by clawing at the fender opening of my car, grabbed onto the front wheel tire, and slowed my descent to the floor. No broken bones. Just reignition of pain from the knee and lower back.

That reopens the topic of pain. Actual pain is ugly to experience. The hint of pain brews cautious movement. But the memory of pain causes tension, worry and dread. In turn, those thoughts cause great care and inactivity to follow. Over time, inactivity causes its own toll on pain.

I returned to my bed one night after 2 weeks+ of suffering. By then pain meds and muscle relaxants were in hand prescribe by my general physician. The bed experience, however, was excruciating because of the twisting action required to get into bed and find a comfortable resting position. Turning over reproduced the same pain and fear of pain. Sleeping in one position without any change possible, was its own terror. Getting out of bed the next morning was the final straw.

I returned to my recliner that is orthopedically correct, firm and powered by electric lifts to change position effortlessly. That also reduces pain. And here I sleep in the chair night after night.

My son got a shower chair, assembled it and carefully positioned it in the tub for my use. We tested it. The next morning it was a dream. My first shower in several days was negotiated with little pain and produced distinct awe.

These experiences have taught me that the little things in life are truly the best. I am forever grateful to those who have helped me get through this time. Thank you. Your care, thoughtfulness and help are truly wonderful to experience.

You are all my angels.

September 13, 2022

 

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