Trauma of Difference

I have a client attempting to lessen the trauma felt by people of color. This also includes indigenous peoples. I was intensely interested in the concept of trauma by difference. Any difference. What was the trauma, how is it recognized, what do we do about it, and so on.

I am different. In many ways. I’m male for one; old (79) for another; and gay for a strong third.

I have felt discriminated against for my gender, my age and my sexual orientation. Certainly the orientation is the most marked of my differences, and I have been hurt many time. Does the hurt rise to the level of trauma? I think yes, but I ignored it most of my life. Now, I’m not so sure.

Readers of my blog know that I am open to immigrants from all over the world. I think we are the beacon of freedom and opportunity to most immigrants. I think the reputation is well-earned, but I know that harsh rhetoric condemning immigrants, especially those with skin color different from our own, is constant in public discourse. How would you feel if millions of voices told you were not welcome in the US? What would you do about it? What defensive behavior or thinking would you adopt to make it bearable?

That’s the trauma, the attempt to be something you are not just because unknown people condemn you for your core essence.

Same with sexual orientation regardless of gender or form of the orientation. Gay people have avoided being gay. They have avoided attention by being invisible (in the closet!). We adopt mannerisms, vocabular and lifestyles that draw attention to ourselves that mislead who and what we are. We learned to do that as small kids. During puberty the challenges were many and deeply scary. We were bullied, frightened and threatened. We hid. We acted different. We hoped our secret would not be found out. Worse, we did not know what we were.

Isolated. Self-isolating. There is hurt and damage incurred by the behavior. My behavior.

Now, shift this discrimination to African Americans, Hispanics, and Native Americans. They have been murdered, beaten, hanged, and exiled from the rest of society. They have had their homes, families and property confiscated. They have had their cultures covered up and erased. And all because they were different from the rest of the population. Public policy made the trauma possible. Ignorance made it possible. Injustice on a grand scale was perpetrated. In our name. By our Constitution. Imagine it all.

Imagine.

If that were you, whitey, how would you feel? How would you act, adapt, behave? What would you do to protect yourself and your loved ones? And your culture? Your feelings? Your property and wealth?

Now does the majority understand its power to hurt others? How it does the hurt in spite of knowing this? What do we do about this? How do we make amends and move on to a more positive future?

I think it starts with caring for others. That must be first. You know, do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.

Think I’ve heard that somewhere, sometime else?

May 24, 2022

 

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