Gay or Straight?

I’m gay and the lifelong path was tortuous from an early age. I was not certain of my gender orientation for a very long time. I was afraid of knowing it, finding out about it. In short, I felt different but shamed that I was different from other kids. And family? What would they say or do? The whole thing was a mystery. And scary.

Now I learn that the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) conducted research and learned that 20% of current high school students feel they are not heterosexual. That figure stuns me. Upon further consideration, I should not be surprised.

Think of the possibilities – straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, or just plain confused. In my early days I felt stymied. I did not know why, just uncomfortable, and shy. Reluctant to talk to anyone about it. I wonder how many kids finally work their way through all this confusion and finally conclude they are straight after all. I certainly hoped I was. And that was the core of further problems for the rest of my life. I concluded wrongly and made life decisions accordingly.

For me it worked out in the end. Damage was done to a lot of people I care about, however. My wife is the principal victim here. I tried to be ‘normal’ but it didn’t work. I thought I was but wasn’t sure. Time informed me of the truth by age 37. It took another 13 years to finally live my life my way. Boy, was that an exploration!

But think about the high school kids today. They simply do not have all the information or wisdom to understand the issue of sexual identity and orientation. Although we have a much more open society than when I was a teenager, the discussion among kids and their adult supporters still is a journey fraught with doubts the individual must walk him- or herself.

It should be easier to understand now why the public discussion about transgender is so important. Not for you, but for the kids. What about bi-sexual kids? This too, is a minefield to negotiate. Just the LGBTQ+ vocabulary is a mystery to move beyond. And then we have the parental rights legislation in Florida that primarily targets gay issues (Don’t Say Gay Bill). When do adults think kids wrestle with sexual orientation? When did you think about this in your own life?

Another way of asking this question is: “Just when did you decide you were heterosexual?”

No one answers that question. They don’t even ask it. So why do so many people insist that being anything but straight is a decision made by the individual?

Gender orientation is a progressive process of coming to know oneself. Awareness grows over time. the emotions and hormones run their course. The brain weaves sense from it all. One day the realization of one’s sexual identity comes into focus. The ‘aha’ moment arrives. Then the process begins on testing that conclusion. The tests can certainly change the final outcome! It is not a slam dunk matter.

Give the kids the room they need to work this out. Give them the tools to know it is OK to have these thoughts. Help them acquire the tools and learning materials so they work this out in a healthy manner.

Or perhaps we should leave them alone with this horrific process and figure it out in the back alleys of life? Florida needs to get real on this issue.

April 5, 2022



 

 

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