Elder Depression

Many years ago a neighbor pal talked to me about his dad being depressed. After months struggling with this the family rallied behind dad and things improved, until he got cancer and died. Then it was my pal’s mom’s turn at elder depression. This was my first experience with the topic.

Some years later, my mother was acting odd. One day my dad called me (from Arizona) and mentioned my mother’s behavior. He thought it was rude, uncaring and distinctly uncharacteristic of her. I readily jumped in with the comment she might be experiencing elder depression. He mulled that for a bit and asked what he should do about it. I told him to call her general physician and tell him about the possibility and ask him what to do.

The doctor agreed to see my mom under a flimsy pretext and then prescribed some anti-depressant meds. She wondered about this, later claiming the doctor thought she was nuts! I said no, it was an orchestrated attempt by dad and I to get her the attention she needed. We didn’t know she was depressed and left that up to the doctor to determine. Turns out we were right, she took the pills, and turned the corner, never needing the pills again. At the time she was 75. She lived to 104.

So, here I am at 78, a smidge short of 79, and I have waves of depression. I am aware of the cause – primarily age and accumulative aches and pains that disturb the peace. Besides, I have natural defenses against depression. I write this blog which helps in many ways to relieve and vent age-related frustrations. I also volunteer as a mentor/coach for SCORE, helping others strengthen their small businesses or to start their own business. This is a natural extension of my consulting career and analytic mind. I am busy helping others. I do this for free. Hell, we don’t even get reimbursed for our expenses!

But you can see that my mind is agile, involved and thinking outside of myself. I control my depression. So far, at least! Knock on wood.

My spouse has his issues – cancer survivor, diabetic for many years with failing eyesight and hearing. He also is a laryngectomee, having lost his voice box to cancer 2.5 years ago. He does not speak. He hates to write. And he has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. The latter has been raging on for 3+ years now, and his gait, balance and motor skills are declining steadily. Falls are common. Slow motion is constant. He is frustrated by this as can be expected. And he knows I’m frustrated as an impatient person waiting for him to complete his motions. His mood is often somber and depressed. He busies himself with Facebook, internet searches and family connections via Facebook. That and TV. And naps, of course. These are his defense mechanisms. They don’t always work.

My friends and neighbors are of similar age. We knowingly bear witness to occasional depressed moods. Discerning these happenings and doing something positive about them is the key to healthy survival.

Being there for them is the first step. Identifying mutual activities that engage the mind and spirit is the second step. With age limiting our activities more and more with the passage of time, this tactic is not always successful. Add to that the effects of the pandemic and we have plenty of time to ponder what ails us. That is not always a helpful tactic!

So, there you have my latest thinking on elder depression. Not all that edifying. Nor helpful. But as people say, ‘it is what it is.’

February 15, 2022

 

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