Grieving

Making sense of personal loss – that is the loss of a significant person in your life – is a process of acceptance. That is not an “oh, well” but rather a recognition of the reality of the loss and accommodating it in your life. The person meant much to me; the loss created an empty space I encountered repeatedly. Each time posed difficulty, but over time each instance echoed less fiercely. So, this is a process of lessening, of impact.

Two and a half years ago I lost my life partner, Rocky. That has been a huge emptiness. Then this year, my ex-wife lost her husband of 30 years in March, followed by her death in October. Both were sudden, unexpected. Two more empty spaces in my life. The toll increases.

Each family member experiences these losses in their own way. My experience is that grieving the loss lasts the rest of their lifetimes, as with me. Each day brings a memory complete with attendance emotions. Those include glee, laughter, sadness and weeping. The only comfort is the positive memories of the good, the ebbing of anything negative, and the ever-lessening impact of the loss. That comes in time. A slow process, but still a process that allows us to cope with the empty spaces.

I didn’t recognize the grieving process until great friend Pam suggested joining a widows and widowers’ group. I did. The observations became lessons well learned.

This has been a year of shocks but lessons, too. More will come with passing time. It is a natural thing, one to be lived with. The lament will pass and the empty spaces will become more dynamic. In a way, we get to know the person more fully. That’s a surprise well appreciated. A positive in a process of sadness.

December 29, 2025