Becoming

A lot of comments on social media complain about sexual orientation. Transgender teens is the current bestie being pummeled. Of course, adoption by gay couples is another hot topic. As always, questioning someone’s virility – manhood – is a favorite mock.

These public displays of nastiness got me thinking. I wonder how the complainers, the nasty ones, came to know of their own sexual orientation? Did they wonder about sex before understanding it? Did they instinctively know what was happening, what to do with their ‘equipment?’ Were they instantly attracted to a potential sexual partner? Did they wonder about that?

And then who did they ask about it? Mom or dad? Uncle or aunt? Brother or sister? Or a buddy in class? Just where did they get the information clarifying what they were thinking about, feeling? Did they visit the library and seek reading material? Did they know the terms they were searching for, the spelling of words?

Each of us questioned our bodies, feelings and functions. It is as normal as sunrise and sunset. Those questions are often unsettling and go unanswered for a long time.

Now, place yourself in the skin of a youth today with the same wondering. What if those thoughts were not of the norm? Are answers to your questions readily available? Do you admit to another human being you have these thoughts and need answers? Do you trust anyone with this information about yourself? Who might that person be? Teacher? Pastor? Parent? Sibling? Or friend?

Public media has reading material on many of these subjects today, not so much in the past, however. Follow up material on some of that material is not of academic value, rather it is prurient. The young are led to much of this on social media. The leap from ignorance to blue entertainment values is quick.

As an old gay man, I remember my struggle to know and understand what was happening with my body. I had no one to talk to. No literature was available of helpful nature. Spelling  h-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l was beyond difficult. I remember finally finding it and then going to the dictionary. That was horrifying at one point, not such much later on. But I keenly remember changing the dictionary page I was using so no one after me would suspect I was looking up that specific term!

Sexual orientation is a natural occurrence. The person affected has no choice about it. The wiring requires responses not readily in the public’s norm. That alone poses a burden to the young person. Why am I different? What does this mean? Do I have a choice? Who can I talk with about this?

When that is taken care of, the role of sex in one’s life has yet to be faced, understood.

Anyone casting a judgment on another human being on this matter had better look deep within him- or herself before opening their mouth. The gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer youth have a lot to process and survive. Your comments add to the emotional burden they carry.

Be a human being who cares what happens to them. Keep politics out of it. In fact, keep legislatures and congress out of this discussion entirely unless they are attempting to guarantee the youth’s safety in this most personal matter of their lives. Becoming is hard work and not always successful.

August 3, 2022